“Meesya Aida Binti Latif.”
That moment, only Allah knew how she felt. The condition
when she felt butterflies flying freely in her stomach disappeared just like
that. High curiosity washed away immediately by the announcement of her name.
She released a sigh of relief. Everything paid off with a victory and an
amazing result. All her exhausting and tiring time over the two years of
studying before facing the SPM examination really paid off with an 11A+ result.
Tears streaming down her cheek because she was really happy and relief.
She had a hard time throughout
the years and she never thought that she could ever get those kind of results.
The last SPM examination was ridiculous. It was so hard till she felt like she
was going to get only 1A which she assumed the subject would definitely be
Mathematics. Not that she was very sure of that, but it kind of much easier
than the other subjects including the core subjects such as Malay and English
language and History. That doesn’t include the killer subjects yet. She was
speechless upon seeing the exam papers during the SPM examination though. Of
course, she did answer all the questions but she just answered it the way she
liked. Maybe Allah wants to help her. That’s why, she managed to get such result
even though she knew well how she studied.
She wasn’t like any other
students, studying and burning the midnight oil. She was a student who always
studied in the eleventh hour. To be exact, a student who always studied last
minute. Of course, she felt uneasy every time she would face an exam especially
big exams. She wasn’t a hardworking student but she can be praised when it comes
to finishing homework. Give her lots of homework and it would not be a big
problem for her to finish it all. She love doing lots of homework more than
studying for examination and tests. Maybe that’s the way she learnt during her
life as an SPM candidate.
Whenever people around her asked
her about how she studied, she would just smiled and said nothing. How can
people expect her to give them advice on things that she didn’t do? The way she
studied, she bet people would gawk at her if she ever tell them. She thought that
they shouldn’t imitate and make her their role model when it comes to studying
methods. People will always ask questions like, “How did you spend your time
studying?”, “What did you eat that you can be as smart as you are right now?”,
“Share some of your study secrets!” Well, neither of these questions she could answer.
And she would say, “I just don’t know and if you know the real way I studied, I
bet you would not believe me.” Then, they stopped asking but still, she saw
this kind of looks carved on their faces - Unbelievable.
The memorable day of receiving
her SPM result really made she feel touched. She was touched because even though
she didn’t work too hard during her SPM examination, Allah still give her good
results. Everything that happened throughout her life was unbelievable and full
of surprise. Realising that she was an SPM candidate, she have grown into a woman
despite her childish behaviour. She was going to pursue her studies in the
university that she always dreamt of – IIUM. Time will fly. In the future,
maybe when she woke up from her sleep, she would suddenly realise that she’d
already achieved what she desired in her life – Mr Right, at least a house, at
least a car, children and even a career that she had always dreamt of.
However, things that she’s been
dreaming and hoping for didn’t happen the way she want it to. After the UPU
result was released, she successfully became an IIUM student who was going to
start her journey into the CFS of IIUM. She succeeded by being accepted into the
university that she always dreamt of. She could even brag to her friend about it.
The dreamed career she wanted to pursue was to be a doctor. She would work hard
for it and aimed to be a successful doctor one day. Her mother always dreamt of
Meesya being a successful doctor. She also likes to put the title ‘DR’ in front
of Meesya’s full name. “Dr Meesya Aida”, she said excitedly after she knew that
her daughter was going to pursue her studies in Foundation of Medicine in IIUM.
Meesya grinned from ear to ear as a sign that she agreed with her mother and
she felt so on top of the world at that time. Looking at the bright and serene
face of her mother whenever they talk about her SPM result and also the offer
to pursue in a course that her mother always wanted her to be in, she was
really happy and contented.
Her life was going on very well.
She managed to be in the Kulliyyah of Medicine and passed every examinations
with flying colour results. 4 flat was a piece of cake for her at that time. Dean’s
list was the common title she got throughout her years of studying in IIUM. Her
family was proud of her for every success she’d gained throughout her life. She
became the role model for her siblings. She inspired them much and they managed
to be successful too in their respective life. She was very proud of herself
and she was happy with all the success she possessed. However, life is not
always a bed of roses. Something happened to her when she was in her fourth
year of studying. The memories that she could never forget and changed her life
completely.
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His name is Ameer. Quite tall
compared to other boys. Handsome. A Malay-Arabian guy. His mother is an Arab
woman and his father was a Malay man. His father passed away when he was only
10. He is a fair guy, has stunning eyes which can make any girls melted
whenever they talked to him, smooth skin without any pimples, his nose is like
the Arabs and his mouth is red in colour which indicated that he never smokes.
He was the ‘Prince of the IIUM’. The most handsome guy in the campus. The
person who most of the women crushed on him. However, I was excluded.
He was the most mischievous guy
in the campus. I can also say that he was a notorious person and he was a
womanizer. Still, there were several women who have had been dumped were still
feeling head over heels when they met him. I always labelled them as dumb
women. Dumb because they were too easy to be fooled. But when my best friend
herself experienced it, I could accept the fact why they, the women that I
labelled dumb, couldn’t resist the temptation of his Aura and his charm. That’s
when I understand that love is blind. It totally covers all the bad things
about the people we crushed on. She was totally upset with Ameer when she got
dumped. Since I was her best friend, I was distraught about her worrying
conditions. She refused to eat, she couldn’t sleep, and she was totally
distracted by him until she lost focus and failed her final examination.
I decided to meet Ameer
personally to discuss about her since the day she tried to commit suicide. I
was on my way back from my Chemistry class when I saw her on a chair preparing
to jump out of the window of our room. I was really shocked and without any
delay, I scurried to her and yanked her down. I had to do that even though I
knew she would be injured. I cared more about her life than the way I saved
her. She hid her face and cried her heart out on my lap. I felt pity towards
her but I couldn’t control the high pitch of my voice, asking her why she did
such thing. She apologised for making me worried and she promised not to repeat
such action again. We had a brief counselling session between us and I saw that
she slowly recovered from her problem day by day. However, I still thought that
I need to meet Ameer so that no more other women would do such thing as my
friend did. I couldn’t accept it. I nearly lost my friend and I wouldn’t let others
to experience what they should not.
“Ameer! How could you do this to
my friend, Wani?” I bellowed upon meeting him in the cafeteria. I didn’t care
if all eyes were on me. All I know was that I wanted to teach him a lesson and
to humiliate him.
“Astaghfirullah…Who are you? Calm
down, sis. I don’t understand. What do you mean? And who is Wani? I never knew
anyone named Wani.” Innocently, he said in front of me to cover himself as he
realised that all eyes were on us.
“Don’t act cool and kind, please!
Don’t act pious! I know who you are! You are a well-known vicious womanizer of
the campus. Everyone knows you and what you did.” I was red with rage upon
hearing his innocent tone.
“So, what? You want to be famous
too? Like me? Just say it, sis. Don’t think that I’m stupid to detect such
obscured intention. This is not enough to make everyone despise me. You are
totally wrong, sis! Just back-off!” He yelled at the top of his lungs.
Reversely, I was the one who was
humiliated. People at the café started to whisper among themselves. I could
feel that they were talking about us. To be exact, they were maybe talking more
about me. Such things like I was not being courteous in front of many people,
rude and many more. Maybe. Despite that, I didn’t go away. I stayed there in
front of him facing his glaring eyes. I tried hard not to waver by his round
hazel eyes which supposed to look beautiful and stunning but it turned out to
be very scary to me. I tried my best to gain as much courage as I can before
saying,
“You may think that you are the
most popular guy in this campus. Everyone knows you, worship you. When everyone
mention your name, everyone would be suddenly excited especially the women. But
you have to know one thing, I know the truth and some other women knows the
truth. Don’t think that I didn’t have the courage to go against you! You may be
at the top now. But you have to remember, life is like a wheel and one day, you
will be at the bottom! Hold on to my word!”
I took off without waiting for
him to say anything. I think I couldn’t bear to hear even a letter from his
mouth. He was going to hurt me. Before I did something crazy, I better stop and
walk away. I made my way to my room with the intention to take a rest. I
climbed up the stairs to the fifth floor of the Mahallah as my room was up
there. I was shocked. I pushed my way through groups of people, surrounding my
room. ‘Why are there so many people here?’ I was dazzled and confused as it
never happened before this.
‘Did Wani sell something?’ ‘Why
didn’t I know?’ All these thoughts came hurling through my mind uncontrollable.
Suddenly, I saw a familiar body laying stiffly on the floor of my room. The
floor was smeared with blood all over it. I gasped as I stood in front of the
body. It was Wani. I couldn’t believe what I saw. I cried over the dead body.
She was a good friend and the one who accompanied me all this while when I face
hardships and whenever I felt happy. She was the one who always be by my side.
“Why did you do this Wani? You
promised me you would not commit suicide any more. Why did you leave me?!” I
yelled, hoping she would answer me. I hoped this was all a prank, as my
birthday was on that day. I hoped she would wake up laughing. At least, she
woke up even I would totally got angry over the prank. But she didn’t. She just
laid there. Stiff and cold.
Wani had gone and I was lonely at
the room. Every single memories of our time together never leave me. ‘As if I
could see your shadow here, Wani.’ I would cry whenever I walk into the room
and saw Wani’s study desk every time I went back from class. The desk which she
always use to study, the bed where we hung out together, the centre of the room
where we always spent our time eating and laughing while gossiping about our
friends. I missed all our moments. But now, it was only memories not our
routines anymore. I wiped my tears and decided to do something to forget this
hurtful incident.
As I was going to reach for my
book, a small memo dropped in front of me. With high curiosity, I turned over
the memo. It was from Wani. Written very neatly in her handwriting. My eyes
scanned through the small memo,
‘Dear Meesya,
I’m sorry, dear. I couldn’t help
it. I know I promised you. Again, I’m sorry because I took such decision. I
couldn’t bear it. My love for him is just too deep. It’s no use I live in this
world if I can never be with him. I love you. I always love you and never
intended to hurt you like this. I’m sorry. Let me go.
Sincerely,
Wani, your
true friend.’
Slowly, I folded the memo. ‘How
can I not forgive you, Wani? You are my friend.’ I just couldn’t accept the
fact that she did this. She seemed fine. I would have never expected her to do
such thing. That night, I slept accompanied with tears and the memo Wani wrote
for me.
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“Have you heard? That Casanova
involved in an accident!”
“What? Which Casanova?”
“Who else? The Prince of the
campus.”
“Really? What happened?”
“I heard he lost his legs and
paralysed.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup. I saw him. On a
wheelchair.”
I thought all that was just
rumours made by some uncivilised rumours-mongers in the campus. All the
whispers were scattered all over the campus. If it was true, I think he serves
it. But still, I told myself not to hold any grudge and not to pray bad things
to people even they are your foe.
A month passed and since the case
Wani died committing suicide, I never saw Ameer near the campus anymore. Maybe
he heard about the news and felt guilty then he left the campus to apply for
other university. But, how can such process would be easy based on such
illogical reason? So, I ignored the rumours which I didn’t want to know
anything about him whether he got a new girlfriend which I called his new
victim or anything else he did, catching people’s attention. I just loathed
him. I didn’t hold any grudge but I just couldn’t see his face near me. It
reminded me of every hurtful things that happened to me.
I was strolling my way to the
library. Out of the blue, a familiar voice called me. I turned around and saw a
recognizable guy sitting on a wheelchair, plastering a bitter smile towards me.
It was Ameer. I gaped at the view of him. I was speechless. He moved towards me
and greeted me warmly. I sensed the awkwardness in his voice. I couldn’t help
staring at him, unbelievable. The rumours weren’t just rumours. It’s a true
story. The proof was in front of me.
“Why? Shocked?” His voice broke
the awkward silent between us.
“…”
“You were right. I realised my
mistake. I did too much mistakes that I could never forget.”
I was still staring in disbelief.
The guy who was once really famous of his looks and his physical appearance,
was one of the disabled person after an accident that changed his life.
“What do you mean?”
“You told me that everyone will
never always be at the top. And here I am, plunging towards the bottom
immediately. I should have heard you. I’m sorry for everything that happened
towards your friend, Wani. I’m so sorry.” I sensed the regretful tone in his
voice. However, I was not ready yet to accept his sudden change. I didn’t
believe him. He was a great sweet talker. And it was not impossible that he
would try to lie to me this time.
“It’s too late. She’s gone. I
forgave you and I’m not going to hold any grudge. However, I would not believe
you. It isn’t easy to forget.” I said grimly and walked away.
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I was on
my way to the office when I saw Ameer was being teased by a group of boys for
being a disabled person. Contrast to how he was before this, he looked so timid
and weak in front of my eyes. As if he was a completely new person. I never
knew him like this before. Before this, he was an outspoken person in an
annoying way. The new Ameer I saw right now was really humble and quiet.
Certainly, physical appearance really influenced some people to gain
confidence. Now with his condition like that, I understand how he felt even
though I never experienced such things before.
Due to my
feelings of responsibility in helping those who need my help, I went to them
and said something to the boys,
“Leave
him alone. Mind your own business. Maybe he wronged you much, maybe all of you
can just forgave him seeing that he had received his punishment. Who are we to
punish him? It’s His job, Allah.”
I
succeeded. They went away. Of course, I saw unsatisfied looks carved on their
faces. Although I despise Ameer so much, I still have the feelings of
hospitality and responsibility. I wouldn’t want people to do the same bad
things to me if I was in Ameer’s shoes. We never know what would happen in the
future.
I was about to go when Ameer
thanked me. Again, I said nothing and just nodded slightly as a sign of
‘Welcome’.
Several steps walking and I
hesitated when he called me again.
“Meesya!”
I didn’t turn to face him but I
stopped. I don’t know why. Maybe because I felt pity towards him.
“Please forgive me. Don’t do
this. I have no friends. No one wants to befriend me. You’re the only person in
this campus wants to help me even when I had done such terrible things to you.”
“Apologise to my friend. It’s
Wani. Not me.”
“I apologised from the bottom of
my heart. Please, I need help.” He begged. Surely, it was the first time he
begged to me and ever beg to a person. He was an egoistic guy. Sympathy of him,
upon hearing the sincerity of his word of apology, I decided to help him from
that day.
We turned to be great friends.
Allah substituted my best friend, Wani with a new friend, Ameer. He was my
enemy yet now turned into one of my best friend. People taunting him was
common. And I was the one who always defended him. Sometimes, I shed tears
whenever I looked at his condition. Everything was hard for him. I prayed
everything would be fine for him. I also prayed that one day, he would marry a
suitable and kind woman who is willing to take care of him.
We got closer each day. Slowly, I
started to forget about what happened to Wani. I know it would be irresponsible
for me to blame him fully on the incident. A day without him was empty. He was
the one who made me happy each day. He was the one who cheered me up whenever I
was sad. He was the one who kept motivating me about life and study as he was
one of the Dean’s list students. He was great in his study. He always helped me
whenever I needed him. So did I. in exchange, I helped to defend him. It’s
funny of the idea that a woman protect a guy. It was supposed to be the
opposite of it.
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We were studying together in a
library. Out of nowhere, a girl suddenly approached us. The girl was really
attractive. She has a really round and stunning eyes, cute tiny red lips like
the colour of fresh red rose, her eyelashes are long and curly naturally, and
she is a slim and tall girl. She talked to Ameer and I could see how Ameer look
at her. Not that full-of-lies look, but the look of an admirer. They chatted
much and laughed together. I felt deserted there and could not help feeling
awkward with the presence of a third person who was much more beautiful.
I went out and made my way to my
room. I didn’t know why I couldn’t stand watching their happiness and laugh and
also giggling together. There was nothing funny! Nothing at all! I felt with
the utmost disappointment. I hated it when the girl came and sat there talking
to Ameer while Ameer ignored me totally.
‘Is it possible that Ameer started to fall for
her?’ ‘Ameer is going to be a Casanova again?’ ‘What are they doing right now?’
“AARGHHH!!” I screamed. All the
sickening yet disturbing thoughts came hurling through my mind and it never
ended. I was curious.
“Wait….Why did I feel like this?
I shouldn’t bother him. It’s his right to choose the right person he wants to
be with. What is wrong with the girl? She’s amiable, kind, beautiful and smart.
I should be happy.”
I tried to calm down myself. I
slumped myself on the bed and after several minutes of worrying, I took forty
winks before performing my ‘Asr prayer.
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“Where were you yesterday? I
searched for you like crazy. You went off just like that.”
“I don’t want to bother you and disturb
your time with the girl. Why didn’t you tell me about your girlfriend?” I tried
to hide my jealousy. He’s my friend and between us shouldn’t have any special
feelings more than a friend.
“She’s not my girlfriend. You are
my friend so you have to stay there. Know her. Befriend her. She’s okay. She’s
kind and very friendly. You shouldn’t be afraid of her.” He said calmly.
“She’s beautiful, right? Don’t
you have any feelings towards her?” Still doesn’t believe he said that, I asked
him.
“Why? Must I have a beautiful
girlfriend?”
“Err…it’s not that. Even any man
would fall for her if they see her face. Plus the charms she has.” I was
speechless actually. I didn’t expect he could answer me like that. He really
changed. He didn’t care about looks anymore like he used to.
“But, I’m not that man you meant.
Okay2, let me be honest. We’re working on it.” Surrendered, he admitted.
I admitted to myself that I did
feel a bit disappointed with his statement. I didn’t realise that I pursed my
lips. I only realised it when he talked about it which made me feel so ashamed.
“Why is it with that face?
Jealous?” he smiled meaningfully at me.
“Of course not! Why would I?” I
denied fervently.
“Don’t lie.”
“NO! I didn’t.”
“Maybe you forgot something. I
was a womanizer. Talented one.” He looked through my eyes.
“I didn’t forget that. So what?
You’re proud of it?” I tried to hide my real feeling. I was shaking terribly.
His eyes made me wavered much. I felt like my heart was going to explode at
that time. My heart was beating so fast.
“I was experienced in these kind
of things. I know you. I know how you felt.” He said in a really serious voice.
I broke into silence.
“You like me?”
Again, nothing went out from my
mouth.
“Honestly, I knew it for quite a
long time. So, I tried to test you. That girl yesterday was my cousin. I asked
for her help. I wanted to know your real feeling. Why is it so hard to tell?”
he asked with a very soft and calming voice.
“So? You’re proud of it? What’s
your motive of doing that? To know my real feeling? To brag to your friends?” I
didn’t realise that my cheek was wet with tears. I couldn’t help it. I felt
betrayed.
He shook his head. “Because I
feel the same.”
Short and full of meaning enough
to make my heart blossomed.
“I love you from the moment you
helped me. I fall in love with your attitude. I don’t care about your looks. I
cared for your heart. It’s you who made my heart fluttered.” For the first
time, I believed him so much. Maybe the sincerity in his eyes proved his words.
I don’t know how I could sense the sincerity. It’s just…I did it.
I drew a smile. And from that
moment, we started to take serious of our relationship. A month later, we were
engaged. We were happy and hoped for it to last until we get married and happy
till Jannah.
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Some things than we don’t ever
want them to happen to our life sometimes hit us. Maybe Allah wants to test me.
Our happiness didn’t last long. A month left before our wedding. What we hoped
left hopeless. We were very near to our red letter day. However, all our plans
turned into a disaster.
Throughout a week after our
engagement, I saw Ameer started to change. As if there were something wrong
happening to him. His nose, most of the time bled. At first, I wasn’t too much
worried. But, as time flies, his bleeding became worst. I was worried due to
his distraught condition. It never happened before when we spent time together while
we were friends. That was a new thing to
me. Whenever I asked him whether he’s alright, he always replied,
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.
It’s just a normal bleeding due to the hot weather. Nothing to worry about.” He
smiled try to assure me. Of course, I didn’t fully believed him though because I
am a doctor-to-be and I know something’s wrong with him. However, I tried hard to
accept his reason. Maybe the weather was the factor as the weather was
scorching hot.
All my curiosity answered when he
was diagnosed with a fatal disease – Leukimia. If it was the early stage, I
wouldn’t have worried too much. I was shocked and I felt like I was going to
black out upon hearing what the doctor said. He experienced the last stage of
Leukimia which happened to be the worst stage and he was able to live only for
several months more. I cried. I was about to feel happy with him. Dreaming of
living together, having children, sharing the bitter and sweet moments of our
live together, solving problems together and sharing everything together. But,
how can I achieve such dreams if he’s going to leave the world and what’s more
saddening is he would leave me alone.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier
about your disease?” I asked him wistfully.
His eyes filled with guilt.. He
apologised,
“I’m sorry, Meesya. If I tell
you, will we ever be friends? Will we ever be engaged and be happy with our
current live? And the most important is, will you be able to treat me not as a
patient but as an ordinary guy whom you love with all your heart? Will you be
able to do that? Can you answer me? You couldn’t, could you?” It’s the first
time I saw him crying in front of me. At that moment, I knew how much he loved
me. How sincere he was all this time. How unfortunate of him to be diagnosed
with such fatal disease. And lastly, how I would really miss him when he’s
gone. We sat there reminiscing about our beautiful moments together accompanied
by tears.
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‘Dear love,
The
birds are chirping merrily and there’s a picturesque view in front of my eyes
right now – green grasses, hills, beautiful view of sunset, bright yellow of
sunflowers could not distinguish the sad and hurt feeling of losing someone I
love.
This
place, which should give me peace and happiness are full of sorrow, full of
sadness, full of memories which I would never wanted to remember. It doesn’t
mean I want to forget every memories we created together, my love…Its just our
memories were too sweet and full of happiness that I feel really hurtful right
now whenever I remembered them. The absence of you really shocked me. The
absence of you make me lost and hanging. The absence of you make me difficult
to carry on my life. The absence of you make me suffocate.
Unexpected
things that we never know are all His job. Sometimes, young doesn’t mean we are
going to live until we’re old. There are still possibilities that we would face
the God when we are still young. Young doesn’t guarantee you will face your
death after the older ones. And sometimes, healthy doesn’t mean you will live
longer than the sick people. Life is full of surprise. We never know what will
happen to our future. Whether we die young or die when we’re old, we never
know. But what’s important is, our Deeds.
My
prayers are always be with you, my love…I started to accept your death. Until
now, I felt guilty that I let you save me from that accident. If you didn’t
save me that day, you would never leave me first. I am the one who should be
gone first, not you. My love, although you had gone for a month, I’m still
missing you and our moments. I wish you will be here by my side, accompanying
my last days before I’m going to leave this world. My love, it has been 6
months… Today is 31 August 2017 and it is the last day of this month which
means today maybe the last day for me before I leave this temporary world
before meeting my Creator.
My
love, I remembered when we first knew that I only had six months to leave, we
planned many interesting activities together. I planned my wish lists and you
became my fairy godmother by trying your best to grant all my wishes. But, I
never granted your wishes. If I knew, only if I knew that you were going to
leave me first, I would have done the same thing. But, who am I to predict what
would happen in the future. My love, today is your birthday, which I never
forget. Today is also the day Wani’s dead. I’m still feeling guilty for
everything. But what can I do? Things had happened. There might be reasons in
every occurrences. Again, my love, I’m sorry…
My love, I’m feeling weak day
by day. I feel weak without you by my side. I can’t stand it again. I think
it’s time for me to go meet you in the Heaven, in shaa Allah…
I’ll
be your present for your birthday. Happy Birthday, my dear Meesya…
Love,
Ameer’
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Slowly, Ameer’s hand weakened. He
touched his nose. ‘It’s bleeding.’ He uttered softly. The pen and the letter he
wrote for Meesya dirtied with his blood. He laid on the green grass without
anyone knowing that he had gone from the world forever together with his only
hope that is to meet Meesya…
